Talk:Gears of War: Hidden Desires
Intrigued Hello there ^_^. I have just started reading Hidden Desires (I am up to Chapter 6) and am finding myself very intrigued indeed. An interesting concept and I'm curious as to where the idea of gems with powers came from for you? A priestess makes absolute sense and so far I'm enjoying your take on each character. My only negative critique would be to nudge you to run through some spelling and grammar edits at some point and think about whether you want it written in first person current tense or third person past, because it does swap between the two at times. Other than that, I'm looking forward to reading more when I'm not so tired. One thing I did notice when I looked at your fic a few months ago now (but didn't start reading it then due to being too busy) was that your chapter lengths are the type that will allow me to catch up and keep up along the way as you go. Btw, great point on the Reavers being the Locust version of a horse... never thought of it that way. Nice. In my fic I have a different take on what they are to the Locust entirely but I do like this version immensely too ^^. Cheers, --Mana4X2 10:26, March 11, 2011 (UTC) Thank you for the lovely review, I had loads of ideas for my fanfiction and the Gem idea had somehow budged itself into my mind, I wanted something to make the Locust and the Humans crazy about and desperate to have in bid to wipe out the other race. I must admit myself that I have a terrible habit of jumping between first and third person although in the scenes of when Ember is talking about the past I deliberately sent it to first person in the past so the reader can see from this person's perspective. But needless to say when I don't go through the history of a character or object the habit of jumping between both is still there. Another problem of mine is chapter lengths, it's driving me nuts. Despite planning the problem with the chapter lengths still there, but I am improving slowly with the chapter lengths, it's going to be a while before I come out with millions of paragraphs but I'm getting the hang of writing a fanfiction now, I think it's my lack of confidence in myself to write something but it's getting there. Thank you for reviewing I enjoy reading reviews I like to know what people think :) WeirderandWeird 16:06, March 13, 2011 (UTC) However you got the idea it'll be interesting to see how you develop it in the story. Please bare with me in reading more as I have an X-Men RPG to run and as mentioned am writing my own Gears Fic too, and that is of course in-between all the real life stuff as well. I think every writer struggles with chapter length... is it long enough? Is it too long? Is it too short? Does it flow properly? And so on... rest assured I personally like the lengths you have now and when wondering about that I ask myself if I've achieved everything I wanted to in it and if the answer to that is yes, then no matter how long or how short, the length is fine. On the other end of the scale too, have to make sure it isn't dragged out because people do lose interest the longer a chapter is ^_^. Just a little tip from a fellow writer. Hope it helps ^_^. --Mana4X2 01:55, March 14, 2011 (UTC)